wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
