I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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