I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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