bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
