This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
