im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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