y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
