is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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