Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
