do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
