She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
