you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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