i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it hurts more in the daytime
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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