...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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