Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
