thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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