I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
