yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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