My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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