her vagine was all disorganized.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
