I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
