drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
