good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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