I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
