i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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