hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
