i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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