He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
