So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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