I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
