i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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