we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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