She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
