what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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