ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
