Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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