Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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