I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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