my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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