Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
