You're my little dorito
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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