I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
