i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
