dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am midnight drunk by noon
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
