Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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