So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
