HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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