he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
