Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
