Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
