Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
